Hello and welcome back to Wonder in the Weeds, where we talk about surviving and thriving in a world full of constant change, challenge, and grief. Today, the weeds are broad but heavy: the simple, exhausting act of being a woman in the world today.

I am raising two girls, navigating a time of massive transition in my fifties, and watching the news with a completely new set of feminist lenses. Between the attempts to take away our bodily autonomy and the loud voices extolling the virtues of traditional, silent wifedom, it is a lot. But right alongside those weeds, there is incredible wonder. Let me explain how I got here.

The High School Lesson I Carried for Years

I recently read a meme that said your fifties are like being your 16-year-old self again, but loving her this time. That thought has been playing on a loop in my head. When I look back at my teenage self, I think about a very specific incident from my senior year of high school.

I was dating a guy on the football team, and he decided to host an after-prom party at his house instead of going to the alcohol-free event sponsored by the school. I was an officer in the “Students Against Drunk Driving” club. Because my boyfriend was hosting, I chose to go to his party.

The male teacher who sponsored my club turned on me completely. He was a grown adult man, and he shamed me relentlessly for not convincing my boyfriend to cancel his party or attend the school event. He did not give my boyfriend a hard time. He pinned the success of the entire school event on me, a teenage girl.

That was a glaring symbol of a subtle lesson I carried for decades. Women are somehow expected to make the right choices for men, manage their behavior, and take the fall when things go wrong.

The Boiling Frog Effect

For a long time, I had a false sense of security about my own empowerment. I grew up in a house full of strong, independent women who fixed their own pipes and played sports. But the subtle messaging was still there: your life is easier with a man, and you should accommodate them.

Looking back, I realize how much I shifted my behavior to make myself palatable. I feigned interest in things just to have a connection point. I made myself small to fit into spaces where I thought men would welcome me. Now, watching the news and seeing the slow, continuous chipping away at our rights, I feel like the frog in the boiling pot of water. We are waking up to how hot the water is, and I am busy unraveling a lifetime of societal conditioning.

My Daughters Refuse to Shrink

Here is where the shift happens. I look at my daughters, and they just take less nonsense than I did. My oldest specifically has this beautiful ability to show up as her authentic self. She does not contort herself to fit into rooms; she simply trusts that the right people will be attracted to who she truly is.

She does not try to please the men in charge before considering her own feelings. I am so inspired by her generation. Watching them makes me realize that this really is my do-over. I get to walk out into the world and finally practice what I have always preached: taking up space without apology.

Finding the Wonder in Women-Only Spaces

This brings me to the wonder of the week. To fortify myself for the fight ahead, I have actively sought out women-only spaces for my hobbies.

I know it is a bit of a cliché for a woman in her fifties to take up golf and pickleball. However, I deliberately looked for women’s groups to learn with. For years, I avoided the golf course or stopped playing pickleball because those spaces felt completely dominated by men, making me feel unwelcome.

Being surrounded by women in these spaces is fantastic. You can drop your guard. You do not have to worry about your safety or whether you belong.

I also spend time at a local sports bar called A Bar of Their Own, which exclusively shows women’s sports. The crowd is a wonderful mix of people, but the understanding of the space is completely centered on celebrating women. Walking into a room and knowing you are supposed to be there is powerful.

These spaces make me feel better about myself, better about women in general, and absolutely certain that we are so much stronger when we do things together. The world can be exhausting, and the weeds are thick right now. But finding community with other women is exactly the wonder we need to keep fighting for the future.

Until next time, keep looking for the wonder in the weeds.