Welcome back to the Wonder in the Weeds blog. This week, I am joined by my daughter, Faith, for a very honest conversation about what it actually means to be a woman in the world today. As I get older, I care a lot less about what everyone else thinks. But with that clarity comes the stark realization of how much I used to care, especially when it came to accommodating others.

If you have ever felt the pressure to shrink yourself to make someone else comfortable, this episode is for you.

The Trap of Accommodating Others

I shared with Faith that for a large part of my life, I had a deep habit of reading a room and adjusting my behavior. I learned how to accommodate men and be the person they wanted me to be just to get or keep their attention. It is a type of conditioning that runs deep in so many of us, even when we consider ourselves highly empowered women.

Often, this accommodating behavior is framed as simply being a “helper” or keeping the peace, but sometimes it is actually a pacifying mechanism rooted in safety. Recognizing that pattern is the first step to breaking it.

Navigating the World as a Confident Woman

Faith brings a fresh and incredibly relatable perspective to this topic. She openly shared her frustrations with dating and feeling like she missed out on the societal “template” for how to be a girl that guys like. She struggles with the subtle art of flirting and admits that she is not quite sure how to handle those interactions without being entirely direct.

But what she views as a missing skill, I view as a massive strength. Instead of shrinking or playing games, she enters a room and speaks her mind. People are not always used to women dominating a conversation or holding their ground. As Faith rightly puts it, she refuses to apologize for knowing a lot about a subject or being passionate about her interests. If putting yourself out there means some people will not like you, that is a risk worth taking.

Boundaries and Societal Pressures

We also touched on the cultural expectation to settle down. Even with a strong support system, there is still a lingering pressure that equates a woman’s success with having a steady partner. When you are single in your twenties, people constantly try to figure out what is “wrong” with you, which can feel incredibly isolating.

We discussed how vital it is to maintain your boundaries through all of this. Walking away from a situation where someone is shouting at you is not “accommodating” them; it is a powerful statement that you will not allow yourself to be spoken to that way.

What We Are Loving This Week

To wrap up the episode, we shared our current media recommendations. Here is what is keeping us entertained right now:

What We Are Reading:

• Faith: In Memoriam by Alice Wynn. A beautiful, tragic story about two best friends navigating World War I.
• Cristie: The Seed Keeper by Diane Wilson. This is an outstanding, educational book that weaves together the history of Native American women, Minnesota farmers, and the complex relationship we have with the land.

What We Are Watching:

• Faith: Season one of the medical drama The Pit, which features an absolute masterclass in acting.
• Cristie: Rooster starring Steve Carell on Apple TV. It is a quick, light, and incredibly fun show created by Bill Lawrence.

What We Are Listening To:

• Faith: “The Hand” by Annabelle Dinda, an indie track that perfectly captures the trials of being a woman.
• Cristie: Brandi Carlile. Specifically, the song “Me Without You,” which perfectly captures the emotion of watching your kids grow up.

Connect with Us:

• Follow Kristy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drcritzking/
• Follow Faith on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/queenofkings912/
• Join our community on Substack: Wonder in the Weeds