Have you ever scrolled through social media and felt a pang of guilt? You see a post from a friend about their child’s birthday or a cute puppy video, and a voice in your head wonders, “How can they post about that when the world is in such a messy state?”

Or maybe you’re the one posting the puppy video, and you feel judged for it.

This week, that’s exactly what I’m exploring on The Wonder in the Weeds show. The episode was sparked by a social media post I saw from someone I deeply admire, who was questioning people for “writing on here about like regular life as if the world isn’t on fire.” It made me feel defensive and got me thinking about this complex tension between our personal joy and the global suffering we see every day.

The Problem with “Toxic Positivity”

First, I want to clarify what I’m against: toxic positivity.

This isn’t about simply being hopeful. For me, toxic positivity is when we use “hope” or “joy” to “mask or hide or pretend that bad stuff’s not happening.” It’s the feeling that you must be positive all the time, and if you’re not, “something’s wrong with you.” It’s that dismissive “the Lord had better plans” when someone is deep in grief —that’s the part that I find toxic.

The Solution: Intentional Joy as Fortification

What I champion instead is the “intentional finding of joy, intentional finding of goodness, especially in really dark times.”

This isn’t about ignoring the “fight” or the fact that the world feels like it’s on fire. It’s the exact opposite. I believe that finding delight in the small moments is crucial “in order to fortify us for the fight that we’re in.” We need this “light to come in so that we can continue with the fight.”

I saw a quote from a creator called “Mary Oliver’s Drunk Cousin” that really resonated with me: “Noticing the delight is half the battle.”

That’s it. My choice to post hopeful and joyful content—like puppies, dandelions, or beautiful human moments —is a conscious act of resistance. After realizing that only sharing the “horrible stuff” made me feel hopeless, I intentionally decided to share things that combat the doom and “fortify” myself and others for the hard work that needs to be done.

How to Handle Feeling Judged Online

The “weeds” for me this week truly emerged when I had to process my own defensive reaction to feeling judged. When you see a post that makes you feel judged, defensive, or angry, I think we have a choice. Instead of jumping into an online argument (which I wanted to do! ), I’m suggesting a personal check-in:

1. Tune In to Your Reaction: First, just “check your own reactions.” Ask yourself: “Why am I feeling this way?” For me, I realized I felt judged because my social media is only a “snapshot” of my life and doesn’t show all the advocacy work I’m doing offline.
2. Investigate and Examine: Next, I had to “investigate… [my] own self.” Is this feeling justified? Is there any truth to my behavior that I need to “examine and pay attention to?” This reflection led me to understand why someone might see my posts and think I have my “head in the sand”, even if that’s not the reality.
3. Release and Re-focus: Finally, I had to realize that “other people’s stuff isn’t always about me.” I didn’t “need to make her post about me.” After examining the feeling, I could release what wasn’t mine to carry and focus on what I realistically can do.

Your Role: “Tune In So You Can Focus Out”

This episode is my powerful reminder to you—and to myself—that to do the “global work,” you must first “start by paying attention to you.”

We all have different levels of bandwidth. Your “fight” might be raising good people, or it might be something else. The key is to “tune in so that you can focus out.” Be realistic about your role and find the joy and wonder that will sustain you for the long haul.

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