The holiday season often arrives with a heavy dose of expectation. We want the movie magic. We want the familiar feelings. We want everyone to gather in the same living room we have sat in for decades.

But this year, my family and I are in the weeds.

We emptied our nest this fall and moved it across the country. Now, our kids are coming back from college for the break, and they are returning to a place that isn’t quite home yet. They don’t have their cars. They don’t have their childhood friends next door. And if I am being honest, I have put an immense amount of pressure on myself to make this strange new place feel familiar to them.

The Pressure of the “First” Holiday

There is a unique heaviness to the “first” holiday after a major life transition. The weeds right now are thick with questions: What are our traditions now? Where do we go for dinner?.

I found myself scrolling through social media this week, looking at photos of my friends back east. Their kids are returning to the homes they grew up in, surrounded by the town they know. I felt a pang of jealousy. It looked so easy for them, whereas everything feels like an effort for us right now.

The Scales of Justice: Holding Two Emotions at Once

In the past, I might have felt ashamed of that jealousy. I might have told myself that feeling envious meant I wasn’t grateful for what I had. But here is what I am learning: feelings are not a teeter-totter. One side doesn’t have to go down for the other to go up.

I like to think of it more like the scales of justice. You can have heavy worry on one side and heavy gratitude on the other. Me being jealous of my friends’ familiarity doesn’t cancel out how happy I am to see my children. You are allowed to be excited that your kids are coming home and worried about whether they will like it here.+2

Embracing the Cold (Literally and Figuratively)

So, how do we find the wonder in a season that feels so foreign? For us, it has meant leaning into the very things that make this new place different.

We moved to Minnesota, a place notorious for its winter. Instead of hiding inside, we decided to buy the heavy coats, the boots, and the gear. We are visiting outdoor holiday markets with fire pits and mulled wine. We are even going to see a Timberwolves game, which is a massive departure for a family that isn’t really into the NBA.+4

We are also holding on to the spirit of past traditions, even if the execution looks different. When my kids were little and finances were tight, we created “Hooky Cookie Day”. I would take them out of school to bake hundreds of cookies for neighbors and teachers. It was messy and chaotic, but it was ours.

This year, we are keeping that spirit alive by simply prioritizing time together. We might not be hosting 25 people for Christmas dinner anymore, but we will be together.

If you are navigating a holiday season that feels unrecognizable, know that you are not alone. It is okay to grieve the old traditions while simultaneously building new ones.

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